While I haven’t always called myself a writer, I have always written. In the past I have been a terrible writer. I refused to edit my work because the mere idea of editing my written thoughts made me feel inferior, inadequate even stupid. As I grew older writing became more like my concubine and I became a closeted writer. During that time it was a common practice for me to write journals and then destroy them. I wrote about my most intimate feelings, my observations, my pains, my dreams, and my insecurities. I wasn’t ready to shine yet, I had other things on my plate such as campus organizing, getting a 4.0 GPA in college, controlling my family, and coming out. Now I look back and I wish I could retrieve those journals from wherever they are. Can you believe I shredded the pages and then dumped the pages in different garbage cans around the city to ensure that no one could trace them back to me?
During my illicit affair with writing I moved between a variety of genres. I experimented with erotica, journals, prayers, short stories, screenplays, and wrote a very long thesis about youth organizing. I wrote in Spanish and English. I wrote. The point is that at some point during that time I realized that I LOVE writing and yes WRITING loves me back. All of my previous jobs required that I do extensive writing. Still, I was always afraid of missing a comma or dash. I would obsess over every single word. Even when I wrote for myself I would think of style and prose. Unlike those early days of raw, intimate concubining with my journal, somewhere between Martin Luther King High School, Barnard College, and my nonprofit work I had also developed a critical writing eye. I didn’t just write anymore, I also revised and edited my work, still slightly obsessed with commas and grammar and vocabulary, but now I actually enjoyed it and trusted my own judgment. I became a writer.
Becoming a writer who loves to edit and does not take a misspelled word as a sign of inadequacy or inferiority is what led me to blogging. My blog is my wife, my concubine, my girlfriend, my boss, and my healer. Expressing my thoughts in a public platform took a lot of courage, yes. But it also took 28 years (i.e. time and resilience, even commitment). Writing makes me feel vulnerable, it always has and it always will. It makes me feel accomplished. It makes me humble. It makes me feel free. Maybe that is why I am intimidated by writing and yet continue to succumb to her allure. I cannot imagine a life without writing because I cannot imagine a life without vulnerability, challenge, accomplishment, and humility.
The Holy Grail of Life Coaching represents the beginning of my next stage in life. I will be 30 years old in exactly 18 days. During my lifetime I have gone from hating myself because of my “bad” writing, to making writing my concubine, to marrying my writing. Now for the first time I am professing my unconditional love for writing by assigning my writing a price, saying to the world that I believe my writing has value. It’s quite frightening to be in this position. I feel even more vulnerable than I did when I published my first blog post over 2 years ago. More vulnerable than when I shredded those journal pages and dumped them all over New York City. I did not know that could be possible, yet I am aware and healed enough to admit it.
I believe there is a writer in all of us. For each of us writing serves different purposes, maybe at different points in our lives. The Holy Grail of Life Coaching is about finding self, healing, and finding your voice, and your happiness. I believe that for many of you closeted writers, knitters, bakers, doctors, lawyers, or trepezers this book will help you unleash the truest YOU and write your life story without worrying about grammar, obsessing over every word, or knowing the exact ending. If you prefer not to write but rather narrate your story in the form of an audio book, that’s perfect too.
One last thing, when you read the book, I encourage you to share your honest feedback with me. Thanks.