By Yaromil Fong-Olivares
It’s tempting to become jaded after a big break up. I get it…It has its function. When we are feeling gloomy we tend to forget about the fleeting and malleable nature of feelings and emotions. One way to assuage the temptation to go down the "love sucks" route is to focus on the general and infinite availability of love. The love that's present in a newborn's eyes, the love you feel when you see a really beautiful flower. It's universal love, the type that's good for your karma and great for your soul. I am not pulling this out of thin air in fact this is where I give my people on the Chinese side of my ancestry a big red carpet shout out. According to Chinese Medicine "like replenishes like", that means if you are blood deficient you eat some liver or drink some beet juice (s/o to my ex for teaching me this). So to me it makes a lot of sense to surround yourself with love when your heart is aching. Simple, not easy.
One HUGE warning here: no solution is fool/full proof. Be wary of the lover-snatcher. This is the person who used to have feelings for you before you were in a relationship, put those feelings away in an easily accessible drawer during your relationship and has now retrieved those feelings. If you are not careful while basking in a seemingly friendly lovefest the lover-snatcher will abscond with your broken and mendable heart. Safe love providers include kind and loving relatives of course and friends that have never ever expressed interest in you or you in them. This last part is important because the snatcher threat feels really good when you are down and out and YOU might be the one trying to do the snatching before you are ready.
Surrounding yourself with universal love during a breakup helps you heal, eliminate shame and prevents you from becoming an alcoholic. Goddess knows a breakup can drive even the strongest most independent woman to drink too much tequila or vodka. No judgement, just keeping this real.
If you are feeling down, heartbroken and ready to hit the bar at 10 AM, be sure to try these specific love saturation activities:
- Nature walks, preferably on a sunny day (vitamin D is your friend)
- Staycation with your bffs
- Spa day for 1
- Talking to your mom, aunts, grandmas, elders about their own breakups (this reinforces the fact that this too shall pass)
- Slumber parties, because nights are tough when you are feeling lonely and these are great for that.
- Dance classes (going to clubs is nice but risky since you may be tempted to date too prematurely).
- Yoga, exercise, or boxing. You choose how intense you want or need to go.
- Journaling, I like to call it the breakup diary but you can call it "melancholy", "misery", "a*hole"...get creative.
- Adopt a puppy or a kitten, or if you already have pets, spend time cuddling with them.
Heartache is easier to eliminate when you saturate your life with healing love. Overpower the feelings of shame, embarrassment and ego bruising by increasing your feelings of power, confidence, and self-love. Moving away from pain is important, moving towards happiness and power is permanent healing. Go get your loving on and soon you’ll get your mojo back.
Yaromil Fong-Olivares is a life coach and personal power blogger residing in New York City. Contact her for coaching, training, writing, and speaking gigs at firstname.lastname@example.org. To purchase my ebook THE HOLY GRAIL OF LIFE COACHING, click here.